Coping Mechanism's of a (Forever and EVER -AMEN) Marriage

I see on Facebook, that day after tomorrow is my...hang on a minute, I gotta count...36th wedding anniversary...hummm...or is it 360 ?

Sometime's it feels like it...and sometimes, it still seems like it was just yesterday.

I think back to the two people we were in 1975, and don't recognize either one of them.

The ONLY thing that has NOT changed, is that with FEW exception's...we have nothing in common, which is proof still, that opposites attract !

Back then, he had hair and I was skinny. Now he is bald, and I am not so skinny.

(But, I STILL have hair, and plenty of it, which really pisses him off) !!!

(Insert wicked grin here)

Both of us have always loved music, and that remains a constant...and, both of us still believe in God and family FIRST.

We love our kid's more than life...kid's we didn't think we'd ever have...and, THEY are our BEST work.

The thing's that we differ in....there are not enough GB on this computer to list them, but...we've each learned a thing or two about how to overcome them, and make this marriage last...

First of all...communicate...when necessary !

It is imparitive that you listen to each other and talk to each other, but only about those thing's you have in common...When something else comes up, punch the IGNORE button.

There is a trick to that though...

I can have a complete conversation with my husband, about something we disagee on (political issue's, for instance) respond appropriately to everything he say's and send him off, under the impression that I totally "got it" although I couldn't tell you one word he said.

He does the same thing to me too...

It takes TIME to learn how to do that too , but it CAN be mastered.

These past three years have really been a test in that for me though...See, He had open heart surgery, and I swear...I don't know WHAT they did, but they put him to sleep, and he woke up, Republican !

More than just Republican....he just flat woke up Nucking Fut'z when it comes to politic's.

Used too, he could care less about political stuff...oh, we'd discuss it, but we never argued about it...because we pretty much agreed on it...but, NOW....OMG !

It's really not even about party lines either...I mean, He will crank up the bitch machine on any politician, or any issue, depending on how mad it makes him...and it keeps him stirred up most all the time.

POX news play's on one (or more, if he has HIS way about it) TV in our house, just about 24/7.

I cannot TELL you how ILL it makes me... to wake up at 1am to go to the bathroom, and see Glenn Beck's ugly mug on TV (insert THREE eyeroll's here) !!!

I honestly think I do pretty good, but that ignore button only works for just so long, on some thing's (like Glenn Beck at 1am) and then I can't help it...I throw me one hell of a hissy fit, banning POX News, and politic's in general, OR ELSE....

OR ELSE, means somebody's gonna have a new address ...if it's me, I have a place to go, and if it's him, it might very well be under that bridge down on Moffat Rd, because , you can write it on a ROCK...NO ONE (in their right mind) is going to put up with POX News 24/7...

So, you might be wondering "What about MY faults" ...

I don't have any...

well, maybe a couple.

I used to be a NICE lady....sweet, kind, calm, loving....until I turned fifty.

Fifty freed me from all that nonsense.

I'm still not a mean person, but my filter is much thinner than it used to be, and I am just as liable to moon a redneck flying down the road, with my bigole white grannie panties, as to look at him...and...YES, I did...and he damn well deserved it too !

So, yeah..I say what I think now...and if you don't like it...well...that's pretty much just TUFF !

I am not as good a housekeeper as I used to be...I admit it, and I don't cook every night either.

I used to LOVE to cook, and fed my family HUGE meals...not anymore !

I take it in spells now...when I FEEL like it (which isn't very often)

So, NO...I'm not the perfect little wife I used to be, but...Oh Well !

There is always "OR ELSE"....

So, after 36 years...it's really more like 38, since we've been together since 1973...we are at the very least "tolerable" to each other, and at the most....still at it.

Maybe not "rip your clothes off" at it anymore, but we can still sit on the porch together, in total silence and relish nature ...finish each other's sentences, and sometimes, answer each other's question's before they are even asked...so, it isn't so bad....

In fact....it's pretty darn good most of the time...

If Trees Could Talk...

I think they do

Allergies = Sulfa and Demerol !

Today is my oldest son's birthday.
Brought back a couple of memories, I thought I'd share !
About this time, 32 years ago, Doc was rolling me on a stretcher, to the neo-natal intensive care nursery to see my son for the first time.
I was pre-eclamptic and had abrupto placenta with Erik, and went into the delivery room that cold Jan night, not sure if I or my child would see daylight, but we did, Praise God !
Well, being high as a kite on demerol, I saw a few "other" things besides daylight !
Talk about tripping !!!
As I lay on that stretcher, looking at my child for the first time, my first thought was, "Oh, what a beautiful color he is." ....cause he was GOLD !!!!
I thought, Lord, you have given me "The Golden Child" !
Doc quickly explained to me that...no, Sandy...He isn't gold...you are drugged and it just looks that way because of the lighting in that room...
Oooooo-K !!!
He grew up to be a fine young man, and I am PROUD to be his Mom....

Flash forward a few years...I am recovering from another surgery...on my neck this time.
High on demerol, AGAIN....I had this awesome dream, that QVC was featuring the most wonderful, CHEAP, linens, and I was determined to get them.
I dreamed I reached over to my purse...got my credit card out...called the number on the screen and ordered me some sheets !
Then, the dream faded, and when I woke up, I thought, "What a strange thing to dream."...because I had never ordered anything from QVC in my life and wouldn't be caught dead doing so....never thought about it again.....
Until.....
Several day's later, after I'd gone home...laying on the sofa, just chilling...I hear this knock on the door.
I get up and go see who is there, and find out it's Fed-Ex, and some guy is handing me a box....that contains a set of sheets in it !
Hummmm....guess it wasn't a dream after all...
What's more....I get ANOTHER box, containing ANOTHER set of sheets the next day !
Not only had I NOT dreamed I'd ordered sheets...I'd ordered TWO set's of sheets...one for me, and one for my best friend !
and, believe me it was NOT cheap !!!!
so, from now on.....I am ALLERGIC to Demerol !!!

Sweet Potato Love...

Some years back, I was browsing around the bookstore, and saw this book, "The Sweet Potato Queen's Book of Love" by Jill Conner Browne...
On the cover were a group of women dressed up in the most outlandish outfit's I'd ever seen !
Big red hair, BIGGER BOOBS, sequins and majorette boots !
I'm like..."What in THE world" !!!
First of all, it was the Sweet Potato Queen thing that drew me to it...see, my Momma alway's called herself "The Sweet Potato Queen" because she HATED sweet potatoes !
I remember her tellin' about how they walked 200 miles to school in the snow, rain, sleet....whatEVER...carrying with them a sweet patato and a biscuit, in a syrup can for their lunch everyday...consequently, she always said, " I am the sweet patato queen...If I never eat another sweet patato, it'll be TOO SOON " !!!
I LOVE them, but she wouldn't eat them, and never bought them.

Anyway, I picked up this book..took it home, and read it !
One of the most amazing book's I've ever read...AND, turn's out, I KNEW the author...well, used too anyway !
Back in the day, when thing's were usually alway's REALLY foggy, if you know what I mean !
We hung around some of the same people, and met several times, but that was about the same time I left Jackson too, so we never became what you would call friends...but, I was in instant awe of Jill, her message , and her people !
I went to her website, which housed "The Messageboard of Love" at the time, and met some of them...this HUGE following of some of the funniest, wittiest, dearest women on the planet.
I knew immediately, I had found "My People" !

One of the first people to greet me was Dutchy...an amazing little sprite of a woman, who had the MOST energy ! She absolutely vibrated with life ! FUNNY and kind and compassionate, are just a few of the words that describe Dutchy, and they don't do her justice.
You just had to know her.
Well, a couple of years into my experience there, Dutchy got cancer.
She fought the good fight !
She fought hard, but she didn't win...or maybe she did...I guess it's all in how you look at it.
She was a shining example of how one deals with something like that with grace and dignity though, and she taught us all a lesson , not in dying...but in LIVING !
Dutchy still lives...in the hearts of so many.

Another fabulous person I met there, was Pateeta.
Pateeta is another one who can make you split your britches, laughing...
Funny and CRAZY...good crazy though....I am smiling right now, as I type this, thinking about how many times she has made me laugh.
Funny and kind and compassionate...Pateeta took care of Dutchy during her battle with cancer...there for her, when no one else could be...
She taught us all a lesson in caring...what it means to REALLY do it.

Now, Pateeta is fighting her own battle with Cancer...
She has for sometime now...and through it all, she has remained...funny, witty, kind, compassionate, full of grace and dignity...and she is teaching us another lesson in love and living...and, how to do it.

My heart is heavy today, as I think of Patty and what she is going through...and, I pray so hard, that she is comfortable...in no pain...with all her loved one's near...
My heart is also full of joy too though...the joy of knowing her...
I am so grateful that God saw fit to lead me to Pateeta and Dutchy, and all of the wonderful women and men, I have met through Sweet Patato Love...

If you can't say something good about someone...

Just, SHUT-UP !
I am SO TIRED of nasty politic's, I could scream !
Saturday, a horrible tragedy happened at the hands of a madman.
Never mind what color he was, if he was left, right, liberal, extremist, gay, straight...whatever !
He was/is C-R-A-Z-Y !!!
PERIOD !

My husband is a POX News junkie, and everytime I go in the room, where he has it on, and hear ; OBAMANATION, or hear President Obama referred to as "The Annointed One" or just being being bashed in some form... When I hear past President's being bashed, and just flat out disrespected...
At first I was just sad that we seem to have lost our RESPECT, but now I'm actually getting angry.
I mean...WHAT has happened to us...
We may be Democrat or Republican, or Liberal or Conservative, or Tea Party or whatever...but we are FIRST...AMERICAN'S !
The America that I grew up in and remember and MISS....was respectful ...regardless of our differences.
That's one of the basic freedom's that we have...the freedom to be different....and, it be O.K. !
Are we losing that ?
I have to wonder...

I want MY America back !
I want people to just start being respectful again...you don't even have to be nice...just civil and respectful...is that too much to ask ?
OK...Rant over !

A sad entry

I don't understand suicide...Depression, yes...but suicide....never.
Not that it hasn't crossed my mind a couple of times, it has...but only for a moment...only long enough to ask myself, "Are you CRAZY" !!!
See, I am all about the determination not to let myself get bogged down in the quicksand that is depression.
If depression is my enemy, then I am resolute in that I WILL BE a stronger warrior than He...and, I WILL win that battle ...EVERYTIME !
It just IS who I am...and, even though I KNOW that people DO get so depressed and fall into such a pit of despair, that no matter how HARD they may want to get out...they can't seem to grasp hold of any rope that is thrown at them, to help them survive...I still don't understand why they can't just "snap out of it" ...and, I really don't mean to sound cruel, or to make light of the seriousness of Depression. I don't...
I know it is real...My own son has fought with Depression many times...I've seen him struggle to avoid it, to not let it get a hold of him, to move past it...and, that turn of words I used...the pit you want so desperately to get out of, but just can't seem to grasp hold of the rope...those are his words...his description of it...so, even though I do not understand it, I KNOW it is real...I know it is SO painful...
It is painful, as a Mother, to watch your child go through it, and feel helpless to do anything about it...but, I'm being completely honest here...I still do NOT understand it...
Christmas Eve, as we waited for another member of our party to arrive, to begin our celebration of the day, our communion with each other... we were unaware that she had already taken her life.
I don't know "why" !
There is no why, that justify's that for me...so, it doesn't matter, why...
Why is, and will always be, just an empty room with nothing in it, but maybe speculation...
In retrospect, sure there were little signs, that today, we understand completely, but just didn't see before...
So, today, a lot of us feel guilt for that, and we ask ourselves,
Did she think the world didn't need her ?
Of course it did.
Did she feel she had no purpose ?
We ALL do.
Did she not feel loved ?
She was loved...she was dearly loved and will be missed...
I don't really know why I am writing this, except that I feel extremely sad right now...and, I want people to know that this really happens...and can happen to all of us...so, make sure everyday, that those you love, KNOW they are loved...KNOW they are valued...NEEDED !
Death is hard enough, when it is from natural causes...
Suicide is not painless...

Bittersweet

I started writing after Mom died...poetry, prose, short stories...mostly just expression of all the emotion I was dealing with at the time. It was therapeutic for me.

When I left home (Jackson) for the last time, knowing I wouldn't be returning, I wrote this...

and....so, as I stand here, waiting to go,

I feel I can't leave without letting you know,

that in just a few moments a new era begins,

and I hope this is how the old one will end.

By remembering the moments, remembering the smiles,

and measuring no distance between us but miles...

There was more to it, but I can't remember it now...It was written to one person, but as the years went by, I realized it was really to everyone I had left behind.

Everyone who had a part in the making of me...

Each and everyone of them, a fiber in the tapestry that I would become.

Yesterday, I found out that one of those who contributed to who I am, left us this year.

I re-connected with an old friend, and asked about Lori, fully expecting to hear that she was doing fine, living in blah blah, doing great things (because I knew that she would) and the LAST thing I expected to hear was that she is gone.

Well, not "Gone"...because I don't believe we are ever truely, "Gone" !

Just take yesterday, in fact....Lori was with me all day, after I got that news...

Couldn't shake her...

Everytime I turned around, her energy was right there with me.

Flashback's of times we shared....the faint sound of her laughter tickling me throughout the day.

Even now, I can feel her...standing right over my shoulder, reading as I type...

No, she is not gone...

She is in my heart. She is in my memory. She is a fiber in the tapestry of who so many of us are.

She is in her work, that she left behind for all of us to have, and she is in the eye's and familiar gesture's of her children, and their children...and she will go on forever...

But, I sure wish that I could have hugged her one more time...